Babies are SO gross

Those who might be faint of heart, skip this post. George and Kat, you might want to skip it too, lest you be tempted to return Lillie to the hospital before the grace period is up!

Yesterday we had the nastiest half hour of Liam's life thus far. Birth might be pretty close, but this was SO awful. First, he loads his diaper with a large wet poo. Okay, no problem. While I'm waiting to make sure he's done, he falls, quite hard, on his bum. This proceeds to squirt the poo up the back of his diaper and, well, out the top. Still nothing we haven't seen before. I put him on the changing table, take off his shorts and the diaper. I clean his back and the rear of his bottom, and then I put his bum down so that I can get the front. While I'm grabbing a clean diaper wipe, he reaches down and grabs his balls, which are... yep, covered in poo. He finds this amusing. I do not. As he's laughing, he chokes and gags a little. I tip him up so that he doesn't choke, and at the same time he starts to spit up most of the bottle that I'd just finished feeding him. The yucky curdled milk goes around his face and puddles under his head (soaking his hair) while he's lying down, and then as I tip him upright, the last half or so goes down the front of his shirt and, uh-huh, into the poo in his lap. I strip off his shirt (his last remaining article of clothing) and clean him as best I can with wipes. I'm resigned to the bath at this point, so I take the naked boy and set him on the floor and clean the changing table so that I have a place to dress him when we get done. He's still thinking that all this is hilarious.... yet suddenly he stops laughing. That catches my attention, and I look down just in time to see him peeing on the hardwood floor. He then steps forward into the puddle of pee, slips, and promptly falls right on his bum in the middle of it. Really? REALLY? Come on now.

Looking back, I find this whole sequence of events amusing. At the time, it really wasn't. That said, I hope someone else can get some laughs out of it.